Kolds and Kardashians

My dad contracted a cold on Monday, and all that night he had fever dreams. He was feeling worse yesterday. I came home early yesterday, because my last period of the day ends at 1:15. When I came home I talked to my dad like always do. Yesterday, he tells me, "I thought I had cancer, but I beat it already." I tell him that's good to know. He later was on the phone with his girlfriend, and he says to her, "I thought I had cancer today, but I'm pretty sure I have the zombie virus."  He turned on the T.V. after this and puts the Kardashians. He watched one time when he had a very painful migraine. Fortunately, he changed the channel to something other than the Kardashians. We ended up watching a movie about a kid in middle school during the 60's. Of course, my dad fell asleep during it, so he didn't watch very much of it.

Tony Stark and Downton Abbey

Recently, my dad and I were watching T.V. We had Ironman 3 saved on our DVR and had watched half of the other night. We were wanting to finish, but when my dad press play it said we weren't able to watch. My dad realized it had to do with the fact he had gotten rid of the Starz channel that day. So my dad calls Dircetv, and he starts talking in a southern accent. He does that a lot, because it gets you better customer service apparently. Anyway he's talking to a new lady and has dropped the southern accent but comes off as being stupid. Again on purpose to get better customer service. He ends up saying, "I want to know if Tony Stark makes it out alive." The lady did get Ironman 3 back for us so it did work.
The next night one of our dogs ended up unplugging the T.V. and the cable box. My dad at the time was watching Downton Abbey and was disappointed in having to wait for the cable box to reconnect. When it did he had to find his spot in Downton Abbey. While all of this was happening I remembered that the iPad had an app that could control the T.V. Once my dad started watching Downton Abbey, I pressed pause and play a couple seconds afterwards. My dad totally oblivious was wondering what had happened. Thirty seconds later I did the same thing. He started freaking out. After a few times I couldn't contain my laughter anymore. He turns to me and says, "Are you proud of yourself?" I said yes. I let him watch the rest of it without any further interruptions.

Jerks

Apparently, my dad didn't know I still get picked on. He knew I did when I was younger and went to a different school. I suppose he thought it all stopped when we moved, but it didn't. He kept asking me who it was, and I told him it was pointless because he doesn't know them anyways. He also told me to call them effing Nazis, but I think that's extreme. I can understand though why he would say that. I am his daughter after all and doesn't want anything to happen to me. He probably finds it offensive that people could find something mean to say about me, but they do. It hasn't really bothered me much in a couple years, but today was more than I could handle. I don't even do anything and yet people seem to be able to say to my face that they don't like me or if it was acceptable that I'd be dead. It gets rough to hear stuff like that when all I do is sit awkwardly while they talk to our mutual friends. It's not like I force myself in the conversation. I just sit patiently and listen. If someone says something to me I answer but that's it. I don't see how anyone could dislike me for that. Oh well it's the weekend and Josh isn't here so I have a break from it all for a little bit.

Abnormal Weekend

This weekend was an unusual one, for lack of better words. It started out with going to Mom's and having dinner. Of course Josh had to find a way to try to pick some sort of fight with me, but it didn't last long due to my mom. On Saturday, Josh took my phone and texted my dad, "I might be a lesbian," which is kind of funny if it didn't happen to you. I got mad, because he's been doing stuff like that since he's been here. Later, we got in a fight that left me crying on my bedroom floor shaking uncontrollably which I didn't believe a physical possible until then. It's not like I haven't been upset before it was a different type of being upset I guess. It's just been so long since I've fought with someone like that that it hit me pretty hard. I don't know. I called my friend to see if she was home so I could spend the night, but she said she wouldn't be home until late that night. I tried my best to keep from crying while talking to her, but I couldn't help it. I didn't realize until later that it was the first time she'd ever heard me cry. Anyways, I stayed in my room until my dad came home the next day except for to go to the bathroom and get food.
Today was odd too. It made me wonder if I might be depressed, but I couldn't really tell. My friends wanted to hang out with me. I didn't really want to, but I couldn't think of an excuse not to so I did. They came over to my house which was a horrible idea since Josh is here. We hardly said a word the entire time. I sat on the couch imagining everyone and everything being sucked up into some force leaving me behind. I pictured myself with my little section of the couch on the ground where the basement would have been after the giant vacuum took everything but the ground, me, and the part of the couch I was sitting on. I could see the dirt walls acting as a skeleton for the basement, and I could look through the opening and see where my neighbor's house used to be. I wanted to be alone so badly that I created this image in my mind to provide some semblance of privacy. It actually worked so I guess I should do it more often. All in all it was a weird weekend. I became secluded, separate from the world in a different way the than usual. I don't know, maybe I'm just going crazy.

Feeling Trapped

My mom recently asked me to go over to house and since then I've been there. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to go over there again, but I really don't want to. I had tried to get out of it by saying Josh didn't want me to go which was true until she talked to him about it. She has her heart set on having a "family dinner." I'd hardly call us a family. Brandon isn't even going to be there. Also Josh is a complete jerk who is unhappy with himself; therefore he puts others down to feel better. Unfortunately, I'm his closest and pretty much only target. It's even worse when Brandon is here. Then they gain up on me telling me basically how obnoxious and worthless I am. It's a real nice feeling to come home to everyday, getting told how you don't know anything and pretty much never will. It's also nice being trapped by your mother. She guilt trips you into coming over to her house. I dislike going over there very, very, very much, but I don't know how to tell her no. She's so overwhelmingly pathetic that you can't stop yourself from saying yes. It's sad honestly. I don't know how she got that way, but she's been like that for years. What it all comes down to is that I can't wait to be free of all these people. I can guarantee the only person I'll to talk to voluntarily when I leave is my dad. He's the only one who doesn't seem to what to trap me.

Alarm Clock Problems

I have been having alarm clock troubles since around December. About the time we started to have Jazz Band every instead of only twice a week. I would set my alarm the night before for 6:15(so I can press the snooze button a few times before I actually get out of bed). The next morning I'd hear a little knock on the door, and my dad would enter to tell me that it was 7 which is the time that Jazz Band starts. I would then proceed to either keep sleeping or get dressed quickly and go to school. This happened somewhere around three or four times in the month of December. My alarm clock troubles have continued into the New Year, and may be even worse than last year. Yesterday was Friday and on Friday school starts at 10. I usually get up at 9, so I can take my time and not have to rush to school like every other morning. At 10:48 my dad knocks on my bedroom to tell me it's almost 11. I couldn't believe, because I knew I set my alarm the night before. I remember setting it, because I almost forgot to do it. I somehow managed to sleep through the majority of my first period of the day. I didn't end up going to school until 1:45 that day, because we only have three periods on Friday. I only have two periods, so I just had to go to last class of the day. It was nice to be able to do that. I didn't even bother putting jeans. I just put on a pair of leggings and t-shirt, because I didn't see the point in wearing jeans for one class.

Daily Life

Things are going pretty well for me right now. I'm feeling confident in my abilities to do well in my classes. I've been looking for colleges and have found quite a few I'm interested in. I for once don't feel totally swamped. It could be though that my teachers are easing us back into school, but I still had quite a bit of free time this week that I could do more work if necessary. I'm now an official math tutor starting Monday. Josh is finding new jobs and has stayed clear of the living room the past couple of days due to his bad mood. I don't care what mood he's in as long as he leaves me alone. He left tonight for more interviews without even saying good-bye. According to my dad his mood is because of medical bills but that shouldn't really bother him that much. Last time I talked to Josh we got into an argument about gays. His opinions at times seem so irrational and unethical to me. I don't understand him. He doesn't seem to know how to enjoy life without getting high or drunk, and I pity him for that. It would be difficult to live like that.

A New Year

It's a new year, and of course everyone has their new year's resolutions, but I don't. I've never really had a new year's resolution. I went to my mom's house the other night. Things went well, but we'll see how long that lasts. She was already telling me to put my music on YouTube, but I don't want to. YouTube is for people who just want to get famous and fast. I don't want that. I just want a career in music doing as well as I please. At least my nephew was there and his mom so I didn't have to be there alone with her. I find it ironic though that she says she hasn't any money, but yet she's remodeled her entire kitchen. When I first got to her house she had people working on it. She has all new appliances, cabinets, everything. There isn't a single thing in her kitchen that was there before except the floor. She even bought new kitchen utensil crap. I'm not really sure what to call it all, but either way she has money from somewhere. She also told me to not be a stranger even though the last time I went to her house she told me she wanted nothing to do with me. I can't make any sense of what she wants from me, and I really don't care to know. I'm supposed to go over to her house next weekend, and I'm not really looking forward to it especially since she brought it up at last five times at her house. She also texted me about next weekend yesterday. I just want to be left alone, but instead I have to suffer through it all. I'm always so scared when I go there. I can't help it. She terrifies me. I really wish I wasn't part of this particular family. The only person I can handle is my dad. Everyone else drives me nuts always telling me what I am without considering that they are the same thing or even worse. I'm sick of them all thinking they are so much better than me. Your family is supposed to be your support system but mine isn't.