Saturday, November 10, 2018

On the Street

I've recently moved into my own apartment for the first time. It's small, and I don't have a kitchen, but I finally have my own bathroom. I do still have access to a kitchen. It's a shared kitchen with the rest of the floor I'm living on, but I do have a microwave and fridge in my studio which is nice. The neighborhood I'm living in isn't as nice as I thought it was when I first moved in. After the first couple of weeks, I saw a guy sitting on the sidewalk putting a heroin needle into his arm, and just a few weeks ago another guy was prepping his needle on a busy street corner. There are heroin needles in the alleyway behind my building too, so apparently it's just the thing to do here. A woman even asked my boyfriend and I if we smoked shards or heroin when we do neither. This past week on the same night, I was harassed by a man who lives right by my apartment, and someone tried to steal my boyfriend's car, but when they failed to steal it they just took his stuff. Then later that night while I was sleeping, I was woken up by a man screaming this terrible, horrific scream. He sounded like he had just watched someone he loved be brutally murdered right in front of him. So basically, every time I leave my apartment now I bring my pepper spray, a baton, and a knife with me because of what's been happening lately, and specifically what happened with the man from the other night.
I have to park my car a couple of blocks away because I can't afford parking in my building which is $110/month, an absurd price for someone with my income. When I parked my car the other night it was after 11:00 PM, and I was on my way to the store to get a pregnancy test because my period was 11 days late (I got it the next morning). On my way to the store, I saw two guys up ahead, and they looked a little sketchy, so I was trying my best to avoid eye contact and keep walking at the fast pace that I was already walking at. One of the guys started to jaywalk while the other stopped on the sidewalk. When I walked past him he said, "Hey, how are you doing?" To which I shortly replied, "Good." He said, "I'm just a friendly person. I like talking to people." "Okay." At this point he started crossing the street, and I was far enough away that I barely heard him say, "You look very afraid though." He and his friend both started laughing at me. I know he probably said this because he assumed I was being racist since he was black, and I was nothing but a mere scared white woman. But to be perfectly honest, almost every woman is terrified when any man who is either alone but especially when accompanied by someone approaches her. It was almost 11:30 at night, and I was alone, and there was no one in sight, so of course he scared me. On my way back to my apartment, after discovering that the store didn't have any pregnancy test, I was on the verge of tears when I saw the same two guys standing next to a parking meter within sight of my apartment building. I was hoping he would leave me alone, but of course he didn't. He said, "Hello again," "Hi." He asked, "Are you busy?" I stupidly replied, "I'm going home to go to bed, so yes." He asked, "Do you need anything?" I firmly responded, "No." He said, "Have a good night," "You too." Then he said something along the lines of "Aw thanks." By the time, I got inside I was shaking and starting to cry because even though nothing happened, he wouldn't leave me alone, and I didn't know what to do. I never want to talk to men on the street, but I've learned if you don't respond it can make it worse, but when you do respond it still can go poorly. I hate that some men expect women to want to talk to them when most women don't want to be talked while alone with no one else in sight. I told my boyfriend about it, and he said he thinks he might have seen the same guy sitting on a porch of one of the house on my block. He only remembers the guy because he asked him if he wanted to smoke a joint with him. I can't say for sure if it's the same guy because I couldn't describe him that well since I wanted to look at him as little as possible, and it was dark, and I was scared. But from what my boyfriend said and what I remembered it could definitely be him, so now I just have to hope I don't see him again.