End of Summer

I had a fantastic weekend to end the summer. I went camping Friday night with my dad and the usual people we camp with. My dad had me drive the Xterra with the boat hitched to the back, and had me back the trailer into the river. A slightly frustrating experience to say the least. The weather was kinda bad this weekend not the nice sunny days that I enjoy. Tianna and I saw The Head and The Heart in concert last night which was positively amazing, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful, and so many other words that I can't even think of. They are so brilliant in concert. I love their albums, but the concert was so much better than their albums. I wish I could go to another concert tomorrow that would make me so happy. I really wanted to shirk my responbilities and just follow them for the rest of their tour. Unfortunately, I am not able to do that. I'm excited for next weekend too because I get to see the Avett Brothers, and they possess the most beautiful voices in the entire world. I can't wait to be completely done with school, so I can throw myself further into music. I want to learn as much as I possibly can, and I want nothing more than to meet my idols in music and just get the chance to work with them. I can't think of anything that would make me happier than to play just one song with each band that I love so dearly.

Woo

I've been working for my dad all summer, and recently he hired a new guy. The new guy is my dad's best friend's son. My dad and his best friend used to take all of us kids camping to go fishing. Out of their kids combined there are five. I am the youngest and the only girl. Now the guy my dad hired I have recently started referring to him as "The Rapist," only in my mind head of course, because he sounds like he's going a rapist when talking to customers on the phone. Also he keeps asking me what I do over the weekend and trying to talk to me when he and I are the only ones in the office. I guess most people would just consider him trying to make small talk, but I prefer to let my mind come up with all these weird scenarios. It keeps me entertained while doing mindless work.
I also cut my hair really short just yesterday. My hair had grown just past halfway down my back now it's basically a pixie cut. I like my short hair, but it's taking some time to get used to it. I think it makes me more attractive than before probably because it makes me stand out more instead of having your routine boring long haired teenage girl. I'm going to have to make some changes if I want to survive this last year of high school since I only have one really close friend left at the high school, and she is extremely sheltered so she's a bit out of touch with reality. I only have four and a half classes for the whole year meaning I'll have quite a bit of free time on my hands to do basically nothing until it comes time to apply for colleges and scholarships. Woo.

That Girl

I'm sinking into a shell of a human being. My mind is occupied with miserable thoughts that won't let me be. I'm pretty sure I'm friendless right about now because people make plans and either forget that they made plans or cancel or just plain ignore me. I want the school year to start to get me away from myself but I also don't want to face the harsh reality of going through my senior year with the only friend that I have left. She's really not much of a friend because she is very sheltered and hardly leaves her house. There's certain things she doesn't understand which makes it difficult to talk to her. I have no clue what I'm going to do this year but I guess I'll figure it out as I go along. Although I can't ignore the fact that I have this building anxiety in me. Socializing is starting to freak me out more than it used to or it could be the same amount. I don't really know. I do know that I just have to get through this year. After that I can start over. I need a reset button badly right now. I'm terrified to go to walk through the doors of my high school where everyone is going to call me a whore and give me looks while thinking that any minute I'm going to implode. I'm abnormal. I'm that weird girl. I don't want to be that girl, but I don't know what else to be. I've been that girl my whole life.

Blisters in the Sun

Yesterday, this little blisters started showing up on my hands and feet. These blisters are still on my body, and I had to stand on the blisters on my feet for 3 hours today. My feet felt like they were on fire for a long time after that, so I crawled around on my hands and knees whenever I needed to go to the bathroom or the kitchen. I also accidentally bought DVD-Rs instead of CD-Rs and the wrong eyeliner. I did manage to buy the correct album of The Head and The Heart: Let's Be Still. I think if I messed that up I would have completely broken down today. I have been having one of the worst summers ever. I got rejected by a guy that I still like, I had the stomach flu, I had an ongoing cold for three weeks, I have blisters on my feet now, I have hardly tanned at all, and I haven't hung out with any of my friends in a month. The last time I talked to someone face to face was this morning at the grocery store. It was Henry and all we said was hi. Since then I've been yet again watching Parks and Rec and listening to The Head and The Heart. I am the world's most depressing person ever.