That Girl

I'm sinking into a shell of a human being. My mind is occupied with miserable thoughts that won't let me be. I'm pretty sure I'm friendless right about now because people make plans and either forget that they made plans or cancel or just plain ignore me. I want the school year to start to get me away from myself but I also don't want to face the harsh reality of going through my senior year with the only friend that I have left. She's really not much of a friend because she is very sheltered and hardly leaves her house. There's certain things she doesn't understand which makes it difficult to talk to her. I have no clue what I'm going to do this year but I guess I'll figure it out as I go along. Although I can't ignore the fact that I have this building anxiety in me. Socializing is starting to freak me out more than it used to or it could be the same amount. I don't really know. I do know that I just have to get through this year. After that I can start over. I need a reset button badly right now. I'm terrified to go to walk through the doors of my high school where everyone is going to call me a whore and give me looks while thinking that any minute I'm going to implode. I'm abnormal. I'm that weird girl. I don't want to be that girl, but I don't know what else to be. I've been that girl my whole life.