It's a month and four days before I leave for college, and a part of me is wondering if I should be going. I'm worried about what everybody is nervous about, but other things on top of that. Mostly, I'm worried about my dad. I know that he's lived in an empty house before, and he hasn't always had me living in his house with him, but things as of late seem to be bothering him, and I can't quite figure out what's going on with him. I think he's kind of freaking about me leaving, but he won't tell me the whole truth of it all because he doesn't want me to feel bad for leaving. I know my dad thinks it's a good idea for me to go, and I know he wants me to go, but I also know he's never been more than a forty-five minute drive from me for all my life except when I went on vacation with my mom.
The reasons for my new suspicions about how he's going to handle the house being empty are little things I've picked up on over the last few months. I've learned well from my mom to be able to tell when my parents are in a bad state of mind. Although my dad is way better at hiding things from me, and he doesn't tell me all his problems like my mom would. First off June my dad went to the doctor which isn't a big deal really he goes every few years or so, but he mentioned that he wanted to make sure everything was in check, and to keep him from stressing out so much. He also said him and his girlfriend would be living together much later than planned. The original plan was once all of their kids were out of the house they would, "cohabitate," but they has changed because my dad needs to stop having meltdowns every week is what he told me. I wasn't even aware that my dad was having any meltdowns. And I don't think they've stopped either because Brandon was telling me that on Wednesday at work something major happened. My dad and Brandon got into some sort of argument, and Brandon, "quit," for about an hour. According to Brandon there was an "intervention" for my dad's attitude at work (I'm using lots of quotes but that's because of how everybody else put it). Recently, my dad said he was having a harder time with me leaving than he was expecting which means my dad is probably having all these issues right now because his "little girl" is going to be out on her own in the big, bad world. I know I can't stay here just because of my dad's own problems, but if something really awful happens while I'm gone I'd feel really bad about it even if it technically isn't my fault. I've always felt somehow responsible for my parents, more so than my brothers ever have. I just wish that for once one of my parents could stay sane and normal while I'm still living with them.
The reasons for my new suspicions about how he's going to handle the house being empty are little things I've picked up on over the last few months. I've learned well from my mom to be able to tell when my parents are in a bad state of mind. Although my dad is way better at hiding things from me, and he doesn't tell me all his problems like my mom would. First off June my dad went to the doctor which isn't a big deal really he goes every few years or so, but he mentioned that he wanted to make sure everything was in check, and to keep him from stressing out so much. He also said him and his girlfriend would be living together much later than planned. The original plan was once all of their kids were out of the house they would, "cohabitate," but they has changed because my dad needs to stop having meltdowns every week is what he told me. I wasn't even aware that my dad was having any meltdowns. And I don't think they've stopped either because Brandon was telling me that on Wednesday at work something major happened. My dad and Brandon got into some sort of argument, and Brandon, "quit," for about an hour. According to Brandon there was an "intervention" for my dad's attitude at work (I'm using lots of quotes but that's because of how everybody else put it). Recently, my dad said he was having a harder time with me leaving than he was expecting which means my dad is probably having all these issues right now because his "little girl" is going to be out on her own in the big, bad world. I know I can't stay here just because of my dad's own problems, but if something really awful happens while I'm gone I'd feel really bad about it even if it technically isn't my fault. I've always felt somehow responsible for my parents, more so than my brothers ever have. I just wish that for once one of my parents could stay sane and normal while I'm still living with them.
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