No Happily Ever After Here

My mom returned from her trip to her Honduras today. She wanted to see me today so of course I went over there. I don't like going over there if possible she made me feel worse about myself than I did before I went over there. She brought back many things from Honduras including jewelry, candy, purses, tea and I can't even remember what else. The tea she brought back was of an interesting sort. She gave me four different types one of which was naturally slimming tea. Since when do I need to be slimmer? Okay, I understand that I'm not like all the models and movie stars but who says I have to be? I'm not fat though either. I'm just kinda normal I guess. It's not like this is the first she's expressed that I'm not skinny. She once called me curvaceous which can be a compliment if said correctly instead of an attempt to not call someone fat. In June I was getting clothes for my summer job, because your shirts can't have any words on them and pretty much all of mine do besides long sleeves. I went shopping with my mom to get some t-shirts that would be loose fitting since I have really big boobs I needed to make sure that my clothes wouldn't be tight in that area. My mom seemed to think I should get an XL instead of a L just to be sure even though normally I get a M sometimes a L if it ends up being to short due to my large boobs or my extremely long arms. She always talks about how she had low self esteem and wants to make sure that I don't end up that way, but I don't see how she's helping me boost my self esteem at all. I know that in high school she was anorexic because she has told me repeatedly. She used to think that I was going to become anorexic which she obviously doesn't think anymore. She is the only person who can constantly make me feel bad about myself, and she's supposed to be my mom. I told my dad the other day that I sometimes like to think that she really isn't my mom, but then I realize that there are pictures of her pregnant with me. Although my dad could have had an affair with another woman, and he switched the babies in the hospital so in that case I would have a different mom. There have been many times where I've wondered if I'm adopted because I don't really fit in with the rest of my family. I'm kinda like Mia in the book If I Stay where she talks about never belonging in her family or with anyone else really that's why she has problems understanding why Adam chose her. I understand that feeling so well. I don't fit in with anyone I know. I really wish I did because it's a lonely feeling that I'm tired of. Even if I didn't feel like I fit in with Henry I still wanted him to choose me like Adam chose Mia. I wanted my life for once to be a semi Happily Ever After for a little bit longer than a couple weeks. I keep having dreams about Henry and I think of how pathetic I am because we were a thing for only a couple weeks. I suppose it had to do with the fact that he made me feel differently than anyone else ever has.