Wake Up Call

Every once in awhile everyone needs a "wake up call." I received a much needed one from my brothers last night. I appreciated the wake up call even though it came from the mouths of intoxication. I had a long night with my older brothers, Brandon and Josh. Brandon gave me a much needed lecture even though it wasn't that long. He knew I needed considering I don't really have anyone else to tell me what he told me. He told me that I needed to make a guy work for me that I couldn't just be giving in to anyone. He said that his girlfriend was really hard to get, and he appreciated that. He also told me that once a girl hits the double digits for guys she's slept with she becomes undesirable. He said once I hit 25 I could be at ten but before then that's not okay. I really needed someone to tell me. Being seventeen already and having the summer I did I need to start playing hard to get. I mean understand there are some girls who play hard to get way too much that it's just obnoxious and no one wants to put up with that, but there's the other extreme being way too easy. There is a happy median between the two, and it's better to be closer to the extreme of being obnoxiously hard to get than on the side of being too easy. In my life so far I've been on the side of being too easy, and I need to stop being on that side.
I was also told that I was more "manly" than both of my brothers which I guess it kind of true. I am not as emotional as they are or rather I choose not to show my emotions as much as they do. I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind that. I know they both have anger problems that I don't have which has to do with the fact that they had to see my parents fight more than I did, but I still saw my fair share of fighting that should have made me have anger problems too. I guess it probably has to do with that I'm a girl and have less testosterone levels to make me angry, but that doesn't explain my lack of emotions altogether compared to them. I guess I just have different genetics or perhaps that I grew up differently than them. I saw a different side of my mom that they didn't see and that they don't have clue about. They even apologized to me last night for leaving me with our mom alone and the responsibility of being the last one to live with her. I was left the position of being our mom's caretaker, and they don't understand how horrible that role is. How emotionally draining it was for me to be mom's sole friend that she relied on without realizing how much she relied on me. I have a feeling that when I moved out it didn't hit that hard, because she still had a boyfriend. Now that she doesn't have a boyfriend she's probably realizing how much really needed me, and I'm not there. I'm sure that's why she tried contacting me recently, but I shot her down. I once again left being responsible for our mom's mental and emotional health. If she someday commits suicide I won't be able to deal with it, because I know I'll feel responsible for her death.