Loss

I finally found out why my brother, Josh is here. It turns out Josh was contemplating suicide. He didn't want to come here but my dad made him. I'm scared to think of what might have happened had my dad not brought him here. I don't think I could imagine my life without my brother. I know I don't see him much but knowing I would never see him again would be too much to bear. He has been such an important part of my life. I really hope he doesn't ever actually do it. From a conversation I overheard the other day between him and my dad it sounds like he started seeing a therapist which is good.
Not only am I afraid of losing Josh, but I'm also afraid of losing my best friend. She's been distant as of late. Whenever I do to talk to her it's all about her boyfriend. Last night she was walking around town at ten o clock at night. She ended up at my other friends, and she cried hysterically for fifteen minutes about how hard her life is. When she says her life she means her boyfriend's life. She's become way too attached to him. She hardly hangs out with me anymore because of it. She told me the other day that I could spend the night at her house because her boyfriend would be out of town. I told her it was sad we had to wait until her boyfriend was out of town for us to hang out. She said that wasn't the reason, but we might as well take advantage of the opportunity. I think it might be time to find some new friends. The only person who really seems to know or care what's going on with me is my guy friend. We've been hanging out a lot more lately due to the lack of presence of my best friend. Unfortunately, we feel the need to keep it secret from my best friend that we're hanging out more, because she might freak out like she has previously. She used to really like him and seems to get really jealous when we hang out. It's all so ridiculous. I can't wait to be out of high school.