Black Buggy

I went to the coast with my dad for a couple days. I just got back today. It was really fun and surprisingly sunny. We played Skee Ball, rented a pedal, found part of a pine tree and stood it up in the sand and decorated it with sand dollars. Ate way too much food as well but that's okay I'll be skinny someday or not that's okay too. On the way back we stopped at an Amish furniture store which was pretty interesting. We bought a wooden marble toy as well as a wooden loon that has leather feet that flap against the floor when you push it. My dad hadn't wanted to go, but I was curious. I thought it might have real Amish people there, but it didn't just a guy pretending to be Amish. My dad thought the owner's little boy was blind and kept saying his name was Malachi.
I have decided that Courtney Barnett is my new favorite female musician. She has some really good lyrics. She also has a sort of Nirvana sound. Anyway, I like her music I've been looking for a female songwriter that I feel I can connect with, and I finally found one thanks to the Rolling Stone.

Something is Amiss

I was driving home the other night after Sinfonietta, and I had a plastic water bottle that I was drinking out of because I am always super thirsty after playing for so long. I had set the water bottle back in the cup holder and picked up a few minutes later to another drinking. It started to drip all over my seat, so I turned on the light in the car to find out what was going on. I discovered there was a hole in the bottom of the bottle, and that a fishing lure was in the cup holder where I had previously placed the water bottle. After some thought I decided to put the water bottle in the coffee cup I had been drinking out of earlier that day. I went to take a drink this time with the support of the coffee cup. Having forgotten that I hadn't finished my coffee from that afternoon, my pants were soaked through with coffee too. When I got home I went to change my pants and saw I had been wearing white underwear so now my underwear has a large coffee stain on it.
In our town, a guy recently committed suicide after receiving eviction papers because his house was being foreclosed. The police heard gunshots from inside and brought in a bunch of manpower because they had no idea what was happening. There's video online of this little robot that has a camera on it, but it didn't seem to do anything useful. His house caught on fire, and they let it burn for quite sometime before putting out the fire. The two elementary schools near the house were on lockdown, one of the schools was where my mom works. I have no idea why the high school wasn't put on lockdown since you could see the house from the front of the school. Apparently, they don't care what happens to the high schoolers. I guess I can't blame them. Anyways, it turns out the guy had shot one of his dogs but not the other two or himself even though there were five gunshots. He set his house on fire and died of smoke inhalation. The whole thing was really messed up. Something must have been really wrong with the guy.

Sick Day

Being is sick is no fun. I went to school today for three classes, and went home before lunch. I was able to take a nap for a little bit around 1:00ish. I watched the Pink Panther Strikes Again to get me to fall asleep. Also it was one of the only things on TV. I am having awful luck as of late. My shoulder is still bothering, but I have a doctor's appointment set up now. It will be next Monday in the morning. I really hope this can be resolved easily. I have to be able to play for my last Sinfonietta concert ever. If I can't play for that concert I swear I will sink into a deep depression that will last until my shoulder is healed forever. Okay, I could be a little dramatic, but that's kind of my purpose in life to seek the dramatic side of life. I'm a musician we thrive on the ways of human kind.
So because of my being sick, Saturday I made myself a cup of tea to soothe my sore throat. I accidentally made it way too hot, so I rested it on my shoulder while lying on the couch. I hoped it might help relieve some of the pain instead I ended spilling the scalding substance on my chest. I have burn now, and it's blistering. I am honest to God just laughing at myself for how stupid that was of me. It's just one of the weeks where it seems nothing is going right, but instead of getting bogged down in it I'm finding it slightly humorous. Although I did receive good news today. I found out Mumford and Sons is releasing their new album on MAY 4th. I got so excited that I sent myself into a coughing fit that lasted way too long. I still am so excited for this. I just hope some other people release new music in the months to come. That would make me so happy if The Lumineers and Of Monsters and Men came out with some new stuff.

Musician Pain

I think I have to go to the doctor. I can't live with this pain in my shoulder. If it continues like it is right now I won't ever be able to play violin. I don't understand why it's getting worse. I've been stretching and trying to do things that should strengthen it, but it just keeps hurting. When I tried practicing this morning there was sharp pain in the front of my shoulder every time I lifted my bow. I can't live without being able to play violin. I have to play.
I also still have to finish my scholarship essays. I don't know how I'm going to get all of this stuff done, but I guess I'm going to have to. I would be less stressed out right now if the pain in my shoulder would just go away because I can't play while it hurt but I don't have the time to go to a doctor and find out what's wrong with it. I can't believe this is happening to me right now. I still have one more Sinfonietta concert left over not to mention these next few months are the only ones I have left with my violin teacher. I haven't taken a lesson from anyone besides her since I started seven years ago. I don't need my shoulder to be hurting right now. It sucks.

Alternate Universes

I was on my home today from my violin lessons at the music store when I saw an ex boyfriend of my mom's. I was driving downtown, stopped at a red light when I saw him. I felt like blowing the red light and hitting him with my car. He is one of those human beings that I truly believe is a waste of space on this planet. I guess you could say I haven't quite forgiven him for everything he did. In a way. I supposed I don't think he's worth the energy to put much effort into forgiving or loathing him so most of the time I ignore his very existence. Besides, I rarely see the man as it. Today was the first time I have seen him since my 8th grade promotion which was almost four years ago.
I sometimes wonder what my life would've been like if he'd never dated my mom. Would she be less crazy? I think she would. I think he exhausted what little remained of her sane moments. She didn't drink much before him. I remember the summer after they broke up she was making margaritas at home, and most mornings she had started drinking before I even woke up. Maybe things would have been different for my mom and I. Maybe we would be on better terms, but it's hard to tell. I wonder if in an alternate universe my mom is less crazy, and we are the almost perfect mother-daughter duo everyone once thought we were. I do think there are alternate universes, but what I'm most curious about is what I'm like in these alternate universes. Above all, what I want to know is what my family is like. I think if given the right chance we would all be closer as a family.

Too Much To Do

My audition last week went pretty well, I think. I felt it when better than I expected it too. I think I was one of the first people to audition this month. I know I was the first person that morning. I still can't believe how calm I remained throughout the whole thing. Normally, my limbs would have been shaking uncontrollably but that didn't happen at all. I did feel as if I was being bombarded with questions although that could have been because it was early in the morning, and I am not used to people actually taking an interest in my violin playing.
I have many things I should be doing right now, but I find myself very unmotivated at the moment. I had a weird day at school today. I actually socialized with more than five people. I think that's why I feel so exhausted. I was debating about going to the basketball game tonight but that would require me to put on a pair of jeans as well as leaving the house which I don't feel like doing. It would also mean putting off the things I need to get done this month that is a compelling reason to go but not compelling enough. Maybe I should drink a cup of coffee to get me to do something.

In Need of Repair

Yesterday, I came home from school to find my dog P-Knut with a piece of bread in her mouth. After disposing of the bread both of my dogs got in a fight. I had to separate them to get them to stop. They both retreated to their own corners. It took me a couple seconds to figure out that there was blood on the ground. I looked to see which one was bleeding, and it was Tweaks. I picked him put him on the counter to try and clean him up a little bit. I couldn't really do much since it was his nose that was bleeding. After tending to him, I put both of th dogs outside. I also had to clean up all of the blood in the living room.
Today, I had a relatively productive day. I fixed my electric guitar. The wires had disconnected inside. I used a rubber band to keep the wires in place so they would remain touching the metal. It's not that great of a repair, but at least now my guitar works. I do have to adjust the wires once in awhile to get it to work.
I haven't been able to eat much lately, either because of my audition coming up. My stomach feels like it's either going to throw up or tear itself away from the rest of my body. Sometimes, I wish I had been born with a stomach that wasn't so susceptible to anxiety. My bowel movements are very susceptible to anxiety as well. I have been having massive diarrhea all week my only hope is that I don't accidentally fart in the middle of my audition although that would be kind of funny in a sad way.